While I'm very close to a new lowest weight since high school, I still am just not satisfied with my approach. After 4 plus years in Weight Watchers and a heart attack, I've been trying various plans and approaches with some overall success, losing about 15 pounds a year since April 2006. But it's been a roller coaster, my weight graph looking like seismograph fluctuations. And even when the numbers are good, I am still mindful and unhappy with the deprivation.
My approaches have all been very analytical, right-brain solutions, everything by the numbers: weight, calories, nutrition, and exercise. Even Weight Watchers has its point systems. And it all generally works - until it doesn't. Pizza, parties, overtime at work, boredom, and accumulated thoughts of deprivation sooner or later push me off track. Sooner or later I'm back with another plan, some success, then failure. Is this insanity - trying the same thing repeatedly expecting different results? Or am I more like Thomas Edison, working his way through his legendary hundreds of failures on the way to discovering tungsten for his light bulb?
I won't truly know until that light bulb lights, but I think I am making progress in sorting out what works for me and what does not. For example, most weight loss experts advise weighing only once or twice a week to avoid the frustration of our normal day to day weight fluctuations. But I seem to thrive on daily readings, letting a spreadsheet do the averaging. I need that daily reminder, that daily feedback. In fact, when my once stalwart home scale suddenly gave out last month, I once again started drifting, depending on the scale in our office fitness center. But I now have a new home scale and I started fresh again yesterday.
But I have to fix something more fundamental, and to that end I have started Renee Stephens' six week program in her book Full-Filled (with Samantha Rose). I first became aware of her concept of "changing your relationship with food and your life from the inside out" from her podcasts, over 200 episodes on Personal Life Media dating back to 2007. Her book distills this into a six week program in the book that I will likely take 8 to 10 more probative weeks, for I like what I have heard and read. Here's the basic truth she has made me confront:
"Associating weight loss with enjoyment may be an idea that's a bit hard for you to swallow, but the two must actually go hand in hand. In fact, they must go hand in hand to get positive results. If your weight loss program is easy and enjoyable, it will last a lifetime. If it's hard, it won't work for the long term, which is exactly why "successful" dieters usually aren't successful for long. Generally, within one year, 95 percent of dieters regain the weight they lost. And within five years, a staggering 99 percent are right back where they started."
In that context, I suppose I am in the "1 percent" that the Occupiers would claim are making the other 99 percent fat. But the overall satisfaction isn't there, largely because my success to date is uneven and tenuous, always at the edge, always mindful of the deprivation. Stephens would argue that's because I'm working at it from those edges, not confronting the core issue, not "losing from the inside out" as she says.
And that requires some serious left brain work, dealing with my core emotions. We put on weight despite our conscious desire not to because at some level, weight and/or overeating works for us. It's not rational but there it is, and there the battle must be won. In fact, the battle must be stopped as she says. So for the next few weeks at least, I am going to have to think more like a liberal, getting in touch wih my emotions, figuring out just what it is I do want and how to feel good getting there. Like a liberal, the theory is that with the proper intent the numbers will take care of themselves.
So please forgive me me if I post quite a bit on this the next few weeks. It's part of my therapy! But food and politics seem to be increasingly linked these days, so this might be the start of a new focus here on my blog.
